Rafe Notes

He likes to babble. He joins long strings of nonsense sounds together and just goes with it. I had started to worry about this lack of real speaking, but lately I've caught words. "Mum? Mum? Mum! Mum!" "Hell-o!" "niceday" That last one threw me for a loop! "Did you have a nice day?" "niceday!"

He likes to cuddle and give kisses. Suddenly he'll just be there, planting big sloppy kisses on your face! He also gets a kick out of putting his hand under my chin and shoving my head back- yeah, great fun- that one...

Lately he enjoys dancing- if he hears any kind of music he'll stop in tracks and start turning in circles and grinning like a mad thing. His favorite is the christmas pillow that has a pull string that plays "Santa Claus is coming to town". He'll stand in the middle of the room, clutching this pillow to his chest and pulling the cord repeatedly while turning in jerky circles (one foot seems heavier than the other) and grinning at us!

He's very independent and doesnt like being told No!or not getting his way. I had to finally introduce timeouts this evening. He didn't like it, but I stood firm and he went through two one minute stints. He didn't get it, of course he didn't. But it plants the seed that when he is naughty, he will be put in the chair and mommy will be cross! Even after these time outs he still wouldn't help clean up, or even come near me! He hid behind the chair from me! A "Rafeeey- I SEEEEE you" brought a smile to his face, but it was only when I brought out the big guns that he was deafeated. "Rafeeey? Do you want some milk?" That boy came running! He was annoyed that he didn't get some right away, but it only took him a few seconds to realize he could have his milk once he had picked up his toys, and he got right on it and picked them all up!

Still blond hair, I keep waiting for it to darken, but he may be lucky a few years longer. He's losing that baby look around his face and so frequently I look at him and he doesnt look so much like a baby anymore....

Christmas time is here again

The children have slowly been earning back their Christmas via stars, they earn one for every good day they have. Since we started eight days ago, they have earned six stars. As a reward we went to Petersfield to see the switching on of the Christmas lights. We listened and sang along to Christmas songs on the way up, walked along the high street and square, enjoyed the music, laughed at the silly clowns walking around asking for money for Children in Need, ate warm popcorn and just had a nice time out.

The baby was very cute in his fleecey lined pajamas and hat, and we got to meet DH's colleagues new baby and wife, who were both very cute and very sweet.

I was slightly annoyed as no shops were open, and all the festivities were confined to the small square, which was packed. There were so many people out and about, the shops would have made a killing, and surely the town could have done a bit more with the space provided.

On the way home we listened to the quiet Christmas carols and just mellowed. All in all a nice night and made me happy that Christmas time is back again. Even if I can't afford all the fabby Xmas stuff in the windows of Laura Ashley!

Rafe notes

He cried because his new teeth were hurting him. It is so rare because he is normally so easy going and happy. The calpol finally kicked in and he was happy again. Drinking his juice and eating lunch. He smiled.


He held my hand at bedtime. I sat down next to his crib and he held on tight to my hand as he drifted off. I thought to myself how perfect he was, how much I love him, how I never want to leave him.

3/10

So, lateley I have taken to rating myself out of ten at the end of the day. This means I can either congratulate myself on being superwoman once again, OR up the anti depressant dose.

So it is Sunday and I have given myself a 3/10. I've been grumpy and moody all weekend. Short tempered with the children and finding fault with everything they do. I did laundry and a small amount of cleaning, but didn't finish anything I started, or start anything I meant to!

Part of it is that it is November. Halloween has just passed (The British just don't get it) and Thanksgiving should be approaching. But not here. I would be looking forward to Turkey and mom's pumpkin pie. Getting up early and watching the All American Thanksgiving Day Parade, only to abandon it when Macy's started. Excited about everyone coming over, only to bicker endlessly with my sister when she and bro arrived. The kids breaking the drumstick. Football. Giving Thanks. Black Friday, and Christmas. I'm depressed because this will be my third Thanksgiving away from home. Which leads to my third Christmas away from home.

I don't get along with my family, havent even spoken to my sister or brother since I left almost three years ago. But right now I just want to be home. I want to take my kids and my husband and even the cats and get on a plane and go home. And since I know I can't do that, I imagine the next few months with be full of 3/10's.

Two boys>one very real fear

The boys are as different as day and night. It amazes me. Where D would scream and cry and yank at his hair when he was baby, R is docile and sweet, grins and babbles> rarely ever crys. D has turned 10 and I'm quite sure he is a sociopath. (she says, semi-jokingly) Calls us names and tells us to get lost, kicks at things and tries to break them. If we leave him long enough he will eventually come to his senses, but that is, to say the least, difficult. He frightens me at times, though I desperatley try not to show it. It will just make it worse, if he thinks he can scare me by hitting me, or raising a fist or making as if to throw something at me. But it does frighten me and often I end up in tears or just incredibly angry. I keep telling myself we will get through it, eventually- we have gotten through so much already, and this was hardly unexpected. But after 10 years with D, and having O and now R, as well as the BIG move, homesickness, and all the strains and stresses that come with life I'm discovering that my reserves are very drained. This is unsettling to say the least. I am only 25, have only been married 2.5 years, I will have children depending on me for another 10-15 years.

I have actual nightmares in which R reaches up and takes fistfuls of his hair and begins to yank, as Devon would do all those years ago. As horrible as it sounds, these nightmares scare me more than anything else that could possibly happen. Because how could I cope with two sons like that?

Tuesday

My second 7-3 day today. I felt exhausted most of the day. Nothing specific, I suppose just a combination of getting to bed a bit late and Rafe waking up at 2am. Skipped my 12:30 walk because I was so tired, but regretted it at 2:00. I comitted to taking the walks because I wanted to avoid getting tired at 2:00. So, screwed that up... I'll have to push myself a bit more to do it.

Came across a squirrel in the road as I pulled up to the drive leading to work this morning. He was still alive which was unexpected. I picked him up and he just clung to me, no effort to bite or anything. Bleeding from the nose a little but seemed fine otherwise. Took him into the office and kept him warm until one of the vets arrived and had a look at him. By that time he had shaken off the shock and was scrabbling around the cage. JO pronounced him fine and I took him back out and let him go in the trees where I thought he came from. He immediatley took off toward the road... I suppose he fell from a tree, I'm glad I found him before he was hit by a car. I was so pleased he was ok. A fellow expat gave me this link which had some good info about squirrels.

Headed home, Ocean had on a ROCK GODS hour. Great! Good Music! Ha. This week is Genesis. I don't remember what todays song was, but yesterday it was "Jesus looks into me". Ah, yes. Definetly HARD ROCK. *Sigh* The British never fail to dissapoint.

A letter from Chiquitos apologizing for the horrible experience at our local restaurant a few weeks ago. They specified that changes in the management had been made and the specific issues we raised had also been raised with the staff. Included a £40 voucher, roughly half of what we paid for the horrible meal. Invited us to try the new Chiquitos opening in July elsewhere near us. Perhaps we will, but definetly won't be returning to the Port Solent, Portsmouth restaurant.

Off to make Spaghetti for dinner. It is so nice to be home early. I'm going to like this shift.

In the electronics section...

"So.. under the standard 12 month warranty if I get pissed off and throw a glass at it- it's not covered, right?"


"...um...no, it wouldn't be"

"BUT, under your super duper whateverhappens warranty it WOULD be?"

"...well, yes accidental damage is covered......BUT um... malicious... damage probably wouldnt be"

"Ohhhh...SO- if I accidentely DROP a glass on it from across the room- it WOULD be covered."

"um. yeah"

"GREAT. We'll take it.



"Honey- could you please stop telling him your going to throw a glass at the new TV?"

"Wha..? Oh. Sorry."

Politics

In most cases I am an outspoken person and I have a lot of political opinions. Time and circumstance usually prevents me from posting about them, but today there have been a mutlitude of things that have caught my attention and I'd like to express my attention.


1. I truly believe that we must do more to save our planet. From reducing greenhouse gasses to being more economical, etc. But I also firmly believe that every person on this planet has the right to see and experience every corner of our planet if they have the means. So, for enviromentalists to say that Tony Blair and his family should NOT take long haul flights to go on holiday angers me. Yes, he should lead by example- but to tell him that he should not be allowed to take his family where he pleases on holiday is a slap in the face. Perhaps people who live in the United States should not be allowed to visit Paris, or Rome or any of the great wonders of the world. Perhaps we should be denied what may be our only chance to see the world and what it has to offer.
But, wait- if that happens- if we are prohibited from seeing and experiencing the world- then what incentive do we have for saving it?


2. I don't recall all this holier than thou nonsense from the politicians two months ago when it was announced that Saddam Hussein was to be put to death by hanging. THAT was ok. But, hey- you know what you fucking asshole Iraqis? It was totally wrong for you to insult him while you tied that noose around his neck. Honestly.

3. Apparently since our generation (20 somethings) grew up with video games and turned out mostly ok, that means that the kids playing with video games NOW will be fine. Just fine. Nothing wrong whatsoever. Oh, wait except WE grew up playing FROGGER and ZELDA and SUPER MARIO BROTHERS. NOT GRAND THEFT AUTO and MANHUNT. We negotiated castles and leapt across lily pads and zipped around great big tubes. THEY are stealing cars, raping hookers, stabbing and shooting people. Totally the same thing. Yeah, they'll be fine.

Jesus.

Thoughts?